How to Heal Limerence
What is Limerence?
Limerence is the romantic infatuation and obsession with a specific person.
It isn’t simply having a crush on someone.
The term Limerence was first coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979.
The common signs of having Limerence include:
- Constant daydreaming about a specific person
- Extreme mood swings caused by a specific person’s actions
- Idealization & fantasizing of a specific person
- Fear of rejection by the specific person
- Ignoring reality
- Intense wanting of attention from the specific person
If any of these signs keep occurring to you, you may have a tendency towards Limerence.
So let’s go over how to heal the wounds and aspects of oneself that are causing this pattern to keep occurring in your life.
I also created a Youtube video on how to heal Limerence, so if you like long-form video format, feel free to watch this video!
How to Heal Limerence
The process by which I am going to show you in order to heal Limerence is a version of Shadow Work.
Essentially there are parts of oneself that are programmed negatively within you. Whether you view these aspects of oneself as bad, shameful, or you judge it a certain way.
It is essentially a negative program running in your subconscious.
I am going to help you see the negative program to bring it out of the subconscious and we are going to reprogram it – from hate to love.
So let’s do it!
The Process: See & Accept
The only thing you need to do is:
- See: Identify the parts of yourself that is unloved, judged, denied or ignored within you. Also notice all the negative feelings you feel as you discover these unloved parts of yourself.
- Accept: Instead or denying or ignoring these parts of oneself, accept them. Give them a hug and tell yourself it’s okay to be this way or to have those negative feelings.
Sometimes, as you see and accept these inner beliefs… it will cause a negative pushback from within.
You may feel this as fear, sadness, anger, judgement whenever you try to accept these aspects of yourself. This is actually a sign of the negative program running. This is your wound.
When you experience this, see and accept those negative feelings that come up too. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel the fear, negativity, sadness or anger.
If you do not have any reaction to a specific belief when you are doing the acceptance step – it usually means that that is not your particular wound. You will feel the negative sting or feel triggered when you are trying to accept these aspects of yourself if the wound exists.
Step 1: Identify Your Negative Beliefs
These are the common negative inner beliefs and traits that cause Limerence to occur:
- Fear of not being enough
- I am unloved
- I am imperfect / I need to be perfect to be loved or needed
- I am replaceable
- Fear of love
- Incompleteness
- Fantasizing trait
- Idealizing tendencies
- Obsessive trait
Step 2: How to Accept Your Negative Beliefs
Here is a run down of the self talk you should do in order to accept these “negative” beliefs or traits within you.
Remember to be aware of the negative feelings that may potentially come up while you do this acceptance step. See and accept those negative feelings too – whether it be fear, sadness, shame, or guilt. Give those feelings a hug and tell yourself it’s okay to have those feelings too.
If you do not feel any negative pushback – you likely don’t have that specific wound or negative program within you and you can keep continuing on to the next belief.
Please repeat these quietly to yourself.
- I see and accept the self that feels not enough. It’s okay to not be enough. It’s not bad to be not enough because I accept myself even if I feel not enough.
- I see and accept the self that feels unloved. It’s okay to feel unloved. It’s not bad to feel unloved because I accept myself even if I feel unloved. And I commit to myself even the me that feels unloved.
- I see and accept the me that is imperfect. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s not bad to be imperfect.
- I see and accept the self that doesn’t feel special. It’s okay to not be special. It’s not bad to be not special to someone.
- I see and accept the self that fears love. It’s okay to fear love. It’s not bad to fear love. I see and accept the me that fears love.
- I see and accept the self that is incomplete. That feels incomplete. It’s okay to feel incomplete. It’s not bad.
- I see and accept the self that loves to fantasize. It’s okay to fantasize. It’s not bad. Accept the self that loves to fantasize.
- I see and accept the self that idealizes others. Puts them on a pedestal. It’s okay to idealize others. It’s not bad. I accept the self that idealizes.
- I see and accept the self that is obsessive. It’s okay to be obsessive. It’s not bad to be obsessive.
Repeat the seeing and accepting steps every now and then.
Be aware of which wounds triggered you the most and as you continue through life – you will notice little “lessons” that pop up again triggering this wound. Simply see and accept the you that you are now… and the feelings that come up (even if they are negative).
This is all part of the healing process.
I have found doing this mentally in my head starts the healing process – and for some wounds that is all you need. Just self-talk. However some wounds are deeper and it will manifest in your external reality and you simply see and accept whatever situation comes up and the feelings that come up within you.
See the pattern.
One Last Self-Acceptance
The one last big self-acceptance to bring this healing full-circle is to simply see the self that has limerence and accept yourself as you are now.
Tell yourself in your head “I see and accept the me that has Limerence. It’s okay to have Limerence. It’s not bad. I accept myself as I am now.”
Sometimes – we can have a tendency to judge the “old self” as we move into the new identity or the healed version of you. This can cause you to dip back into the old identity.
Simply accept the old self and that helps to fully integrate the healing process to completion.
Integration
Inner healing work is work!
So after doing all this work – make sure to give yourself time to decompress! Rest! Chill and be you 🙂
Try to avoid striving for perfection because oftentimes, the healing process is not linear.
However be aware of oneself as you continue to move through life and you will notice you don’t have the same habits as before when it comes to being infatuated with someone.
You may notice that you are able to let go and be more present instead of being in a Limerence state with somebody.
You may notice you fantasize less and are more grounded.
Healing work manifests differently depending on the individual – but be aware of the changes you do see… and give yourself a pat on the back!
You did well!
Thank you so much for reading this blog post!
I hope you found it helpful!
Feel free to leave a comment down below and until the next blog post everybody!
Sending you all much love! xo
